What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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