I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
