I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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