your thong is hanging out like whoa
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
