why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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