can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
