He is such a slut. More and more my type.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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