I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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