booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
