I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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