Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
