my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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