Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
there is glitter all over my balls
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
