i don't like sucking hair
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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