Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
