is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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