You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
