it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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