come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
