i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Girls should come with a carfax report
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
