Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
