Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
