Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
