Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
