Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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