I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
