I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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