Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
