finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
