you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
