I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize