Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
