ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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