Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
