i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
