I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
