My liver just broke up with me...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
