yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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