I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
