Don't make out with my wife yet
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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