Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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