no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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