if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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