xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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