and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
