I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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