"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
