he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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