Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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