im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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