that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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