you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
