brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize