Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
