you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
