I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize