he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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