i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
do herpes really smell.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
