I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize