she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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