I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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