i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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