Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
