I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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