omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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