I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
