I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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