I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
