It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
