Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
