Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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