I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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