Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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